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I need rest

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. My body aches, maybe because of my wrong position in bed. I feel sleepy, maybe because of our overnight swimming last Sunday followed by a Monday full of events and stories packed with all the emotions we can feel.

Okay, let me unpack that Monday’s events. My bestfriend and I went to the campus because she is now a dormer, and I am happy for her. Yey! We arranged things in her room and excitedly thought of her coming dorm days. Next, we went to her college and met with a common friend. After our conversations and our hellos and goodbyes, we decided we need to eat. We rode a jeepney to Philcoa, got a little confused with the new route, walked some steps, and finally ate chickenjoy while talking about some hanash in life haha. After feeling a little bit recharged, we visited our highschool Math teacher and talked with her family while waiting for our turn to enter her room. We had a really little time to talk with her, but in my heart, I cherish those few minutes. We prayed for her and for her family before leaving the hospital. We then hurriedly went to a theater to watch Pagsambang Bayan The Musical, felt some terror and got our thoughts evoked by the play. Before going home, we had a light dinner at Chowking with my family and shared some stories and laughter haha. We then tried to sum up our thoughts and emotions for the day during our bus ride on our way home. It was indeed a full day, we agreed. Thank God for the strength we had for that Monday! We went home with our hearts full. ❤

And then came the news about my highschool Math teacher. I was already asleep, in fact, I was already dreaming, when my bestfriend called and told me to go online. And so I did.  How generous of my teacher’s daughter to share with us her mother’s last moments through a video call. She was asking us to give our last words to our teacher, who was also our coach in the Math contests we competed way back in highschool. I was speechless. The news wasn’t sinking in. My bestfriend was crying. I felt nothing. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I was literally speechless. The video call ended. I managed to compose my words of thanks to my teacher and sent it to her daughter. I was asked to read it to her over the phone. I cried as I did.

My mind was wandering after the phone call. I was not sleepy anymore, and thought of doing some stuff for my work. Next thing I know, it was already Tuesday morning.

Many things have happened and it’s difficult to process them all. I was not that productive today, I spent most of my time sleeping. My sister said I have overslept the whole day. But hey, I slept for many hours today because I need to replace my lack of sleeping hours last Sunday. And so I needed to sleep haha. But maybe she was right. Maybe that’s one of the reason I feel exhausted.  Or maybe not. Maybe I just can’t process everything. I need space. To think. To feel. To breathe. Or maybe I just feel pressured because I still have no outputs for my work for two days now. Also, my laundry basket is haunting me, even my bags in my room are bugging me. I feel guilty because I have not been doing anything about my work and my chores this week. Hayyy.

I need rest. Not just some hours of sleep, but real rest.  As I typed this entry’s title, Matt 11:28 instantly came to mind. “Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And then the lyrics of a song we sang in our youth choir started to play, “Come unto me, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, hear me and be blessed. I am meek and lowly, come and trust my might for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

O Jesus, I need rest. Restore my strength that I may do all that is required of me, and other things that I want to do for you. Renew my strength that I may live life to the fullest. Dami talagang ganaps, tulungan nyo po akong makabalik on track. Thank you Jesus. Aasahan ko po ang pahinga at panibagong lakas na ibibigay niyo. Amen.

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Advice to my 16-year old self

One last question during my interview last Saturday was to give an advice to my 16-year old self. Okay, so I recalled how the highschool Jassy was and these were the things I thought she needed to hear then.

Hi Jas. You don’t need to wear masks. You don’t need to maintain the image that you’ve created. You don’t need to pretend that you’re strong, that you’re the bully one. You don’t need to pretend that you don’t have a crush. It’s okay to express yourself. It’s okay to be you.

What a heart-warming moment! Needless to say, I cried.

**This was written on Nov 27, 2017, days after my interview for an NGO. Indeed, it was a meaningful interview coz I learned many things about myself and my dreams and desires. Yey, thank You Lord! 🙂

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Long time together kasi long time no see

Yeyy, finally, nagkita na tayo! Super busy ng mga nagdaang buwan, sa pag-aaral mo at sa trabaho ko. Buti na lang tapos na ang lahat. Sabay-sabay natapos ang 2017, ang sem mo, at ang project namin. At ang future namin ng crush ko. Charots.

Naalala ko nung nagkita tayo dati, ikaw yung nagtatrabaho tapos ako yung nag-aaral. Pakiramdam ko noon maraming pagkakaiba ang nagtatrabaho sa nag-aaral, pero ngayon naiisip ko, woooh, parang pareho lang naman yata! Haha. Nasasabayan pa rin naman natin ang kwentuhan at experiences ng isat-isa.

Anyways, simula nung nabasa natin yung The Secrets of the Family Tree, dumalas ang usapan natin tungkol sa pamilya, kung paano tayo nakaka-relate sa mga sinabi sa libro, at (ang pinakamahirap) kung ano na ang gagawin natin sa nabasa natin. Buti na lang gets natin ang isat-isa. Yey!

Natutuwa ako sa exchange gifts natin tuwing ganitong season, at sa exchange thoughts natin sa mga ganaps sa paligid natin at sa mga kakilala haha. Hindi talaga tayo mawawalan ng pag-uusapan. Salamats Cha!

Laging refreshing ang oras ko with you. Thank you! Sa susunod, sige, mag-Eco Park naman tayo. Tingin tayo sa clouds. HAHA. God bless sa second sem mo at sa bahay mode ko. 🙂

PS Na-realize ko ngayon lang, di pala natin masyadong nata-topic ang lovelife mo hehe. Puro kasi ako daldal ng crushlife ko e! Sa susunod na lang. 🙂

PS ulit Tho nasa Tuesdays with Charrie na category ito, Saturday talaga ito, hindi Tuesday hehe 😉

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Paano ba ako ngumiti?

Hahaha. Maraming nagsasabi na masaya raw akong kasama. Siguro kasi mababaw lang ang kaligayahan ko, kaya madali lang akong mapangiti. Nakakahawa rin daw ang tawa ko, kakaiba raw kasi ang tunog sa pangkaraniwang tawa. Okaaay.

Nung teacher pa ako, lagi akong pinapangiti ng mga estudyante ko. Gusto kasi nilang nakikita ang dimples ko. Sabi naman ni Papa at ng isa kong katrabaho, kakaiba raw ako ngumiti sa pictures, parang medyo pilit na bungisngis na ewan ooooh HAHA.

Pero ito talaga gusto kong malaman. May pakialam naman ako sa Pilipinas, mahilig sa bata, at smart. Hindi ba ako cute ngumiti? Hahahaha!

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Back to my Quiet Times

As I read blog posts and notes and reflections I’ve written years ago, I can’t help but be amazed on how I processed my thoughts back then. It seemed like I had so much time, or maybe, I really made time to think things through. I miss that attitude.

Well, I had time maybe because internet was not that accessible before, which means going online was not yet that much of a temptation as it is now. Maybe.

Looking back, I think what made me wiser before were my daily conversations with God. I remember how fruitful my Quiet Times were– tho, okay fine, there were also times when I skipped– but overall during my college years, I learned many things about God and my place in the world as Jesus’ friend. I learned more about God’s love and plan written in the Bible. I was empowered to share to the people I meet what I learned. And I believe that the lessons I learned and shared and applied in life made me wiser. I lived with intentionality, always wanting to share God’s word to everyone.

Oh, memories! I hope to live wiser again this 2018, and even more than that!

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Hello 2018!

I read somewhere in Facebook that the most recent 12 emojis that I used would say how each month of my 2018 would go. Haha. My emojis were interesting, so I thought, why not take time to analyze it? Here’s my analysis:

😉 January – wink – maybe some unexpected things will happen
🚲 February – bike – more free time and opportunities to travel
🌺 March – pink flowers – time to bloom? Pwede! HAHA
🌼 April – yellow (and blue) flower – achievements and transitions?
😬 May – “Oops, what should I do now” emoji – uncertainies?
😶 June – speechless – more space for self-check and growth?
💝 July – heart with ribbon – oooh baka naman? Haha pero with reservations pa lolz
🌸 August – pink flowers ulit – ligawan stage! Charots. Deh, baka girly feels, ganyan
😄 September – happy emoji – happy and meaningful days
😅 October – may pawis emoji – awkward moments? Pero masaya hmmm
✌ November – peace sign – reconciliation and world peace hehe, and peace of heart
💗 December – hearts – a month full of love from God flowing to the people around

My 2018 may or may not end up like how it is here on the list, but one thing’s for sure: God will be with me throughout the year as He has always been in my life since 1992 hihi. 🙂 Am now excited for 2018. Yey!

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Last 25 days of 2017

How can I make the last 25 days of 2017 more meaningful?

Oooh earlier this year, I wrote about what would make my 2017 happy and meaningful: Closer relationship with God, family time, Bok in church, organized room, Dream Library, punctual Jassy, God-centered 25th birthday celebration, opportunities to share God’s Word, intentional Jassy.

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So, where am I now? Well, I would want to talk about each item on my list but my eyes are stuck on the last item: intentional Jassy. Intentional. Done on purpose. Deliberate. Oooh. And what is my purpose? What do I intend to do? I believe it is to share God’s Word and God’s love to the people around me. How can I do that? What must I do for the rest of the days of 2017 to share God’s love intentionally?

  1. Soak in God’s Word daily.
  2. Post a verse and my reflections on Instagram. Be intentional!
  3. Less convos with friends about crush, more about Christ.
  4. Grab opportunities to talk with a stranger about God’s love and the meaning of Christmas.
  5. Make and send cards showing God’s love.

Thank You Lord. Be with me every day. Amen. ❤