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Number 1 prayer item

Why do we have the tendency to care so much for other people but not that much with our family? Bakit andami nating time para sa iba, pero sa sariling pamilya kulang na kulang? How much does our family matter to us? Gaano natin pinapahalagahan ang ating pamilya? Do I still pray for our family? Kelan ko huling pinagpray ang pamilya namin?

Ooooh. Siguro ito na nga ang gagawin ko for 26 days (or nights). I will pray for our family. Intentionally. Tamaa!

Lord, I pray for more quality time together with Papa, Mama, Ate Win, Ate Mai, and Bok. Amen.

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Questions of my heart

I read a book that to discover what’s in our hearts, we may take a look on the questions we often ask. The author of that book suggested that we list 100 questions in just one sitting to examine our hearts. And so I tried, haha.

  1. What things really matter to me?
  2. Will I really be able to do all the things IĀ  love to do?
  3. What would life be if no laptops or cellphones were invented?
  4. Why can’t I control myself better than I control myself before?
  5. What things distract me?
  6. When will I learn to cook?
  7. What can I do for the country?
  8. Why do our leaders think that way?
  9. Don’t they have conscience?
  10. What can I do to help Bok open up to our family?
  11. Why can’t I say what I really want to say?
  12. What should I say when Papa gets angry?
  13. What should I do to help spread love at home?
  14. Will taking up MA Biblical Studies really be beneficial for me and for the people around me?
  15. Where do I go next after graduation?
  16. What if my studies affect my work negatively?
  17. Do I really want to marry someone from UMC?
  18. What if I don’t get to marry?
  19. Will I finish this list?
  20. Why am I easily irritated?
  21. Do I need to read more about family dynamics?
  22. What will be my thesis?
  23. When will everyone come to know God?
  24. If I were to start a business, what would it be?
  25. What do bus drivers think about when they drive?
  26. Are love teams really made in heaven or do we get to choose them?
  27. Can I really finish this list in one sitting?
  28. What if I continue this some other time, will the results still be reliable?
  29. How reliable am I?
  30. What is the greatest thing I can do for a friend?
  31. Are all UP students really intelligent?
  32. What does intelligent mean?
  33. If I did not study in FCPC and in UP, will I still think this way?
  34. How can we get our churchmates involved in the ministries of our church?
  35. How important is the Bible to the Filipino people?
  36. Does our work really matter?
  37. How can we educate people about Solid Waste Management?
  38. What can I do to help reduce solid wastes?
  39. Can I still go back to teaching Math?
  40. Will I be able to teach in a public school someday?
  41. What is it like to teach in a public school?
  42. What if my plans happened the way I wanted them?
  43. Did my past crushes also had a crush on me? Haha.
  44. If they were not my crush, would I still treat them the way I treated them?
  45. How can we tell politicians not to cut trees?
  46. How can we tell them to prioritize education?
  47. How can I teach Math even without going back to formal education?
  48. Why do people take photos?
  49. What memories do we love reminiscing?
  50. Why do people love to travel?
  51. Can dogs really understand humans?
  52. Can humans really understand their pets?
  53. What food gives us most energy?
  54. What if fast foods were not established?
  55. How simple is a simple life?
  56. Would I love a simple life?
  57. What happens after we die?
  58. Can we know exactly the answer to that question?
  59. Why do themes on life and death concern us?
  60. How can everybody feel loved?
  61. Why do I need to finish this list?
  62. How can I stop procrastinating?
  63. Why don’t I brush three times a day?
  64. How do we know if he’s the one?
  65. What are the things I really need in my life?
  66. How does art touch our soul?
  67. How does music touch our soul?
  68. If I will write a song, what would it be about?
  69. Why do I love singing?
  70. How can I earn extra income? Hehe
  71. Will our dream library be a reality?
  72. When will Bok go back to church?
  73. When will we start praying together again as a family aside from during meal times?
  74. What can we do together to spend quality time with each other?
  75. Was taking the dog food inside the house a wrong move?
  76. What time would I be sleeping now?
  77. Do I need to go back to my spreadsheet of expenses?
  78. Do I really need to finish this list? Haha
  79. Why do I keep on asking that question?
  80. Do my crushes still remember our moments together with smile on their faces? Haha
  81. What if I marry a non-UMC man, would I be happy?
  82. What gives me joy?
  83. How do I describe a productive day?
  84. How do I describe a meaningful life?
  85. How can I lead the Pinoy OT Team better?
  86. Can I really adapt to the student life?
  87. What can be done to solve the traffic in the Philippines?
  88. Do we really need a van?
  89. When can we buy the house next to us for our library and house extension?
  90. What are my plans after graduation?
  91. Will I stay in Bulacan after my work in PBS?
  92. Will I stay in Bulacan if ever I marry?
  93. What are Bok’s plans?
  94. What should I do with all my things?
  95. When will I mail letters again?
  96. What book will I write?
  97. What motivates a person?
  98. How can we know what we really want?
  99. Is it really important to know what we truly want?
  100. Does God care about the desires of our hearts?

Some of these questions have been roughly answered in my mind as I typed them, but I still typed them anyway. Just for the record. Haha. ā¤

Next step: group these questions according to themes. Ooooh.

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Twenty six days before September 6

Sooo, I’m turning 26 twenty six days from now. What can I do to make the coming days more meaningful? Hmmmm. Let me write 26 random ideas that I would like to do hahaha.

  1. Cover a song using my ukulele.
  2. Cover a song using our piano.
  3. Go up the roof and take a video.
  4. Go stargazing!
  5. Walk with Happy and Smiley.
  6. Walk around the neighborhood.
  7. Or jog.
  8. Make a birthday card.
  9. Make a thank you card. Haha.
  10. Make a collage using blue plastic wrappers.
  11. Ride a bike! šŸ™‚
  12. Play basketball.
  13. Clean the library. Add chairs and tables.
  14. Decide once and for all which clothes really really spark joy and which should go.
  15. Collect empty cup noodles šŸ™‚ and paint them.
  16. Share something with co-passengers, whether on bus, jeep, UV, trike, wherever.
  17. Buy Ilokano or Bisaya dictionary.
  18. Mail letters!!
  19. Go offline for a day.
  20. Write a short short story haha.
  21. Draw again!
  22. Arrange my recycle bin.
  23. Plant a vegetable.
  24. Buy a dress.
  25. Go to a park.
  26. Fly a kite. ā¤

Any other ideas? šŸ˜‰

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Usapang pangarap

Di ako makatulog, gising pa ang diwa ko. Binalikan ko tuloy yung 100 dreams na sinulat ko dati. Hindi pa kumpleto yun, 98 pa lang. May ilang natupad na, merong muntik-muntikan, meron ding medyo malayo pa sa katotohanan.

Nung bata ako, pangarap kong maging teacher. Natupad ang pangarap kong yun–nagturo ako ng Math, pero dalawang taon lang. Oo alam ko, nakakabitin talaga. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko nang magturo, may iba lang akong gustong gawin at aralin ngayon.

Ang totoo, bukod sa Math, pangarap ko ring magturo ng Bible. Pero di ko masyadong pinagkakalat. Sasabihin ko na lang pag final answer na. šŸ˜‰

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I need rest

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. My body aches, maybe because of my wrong position in bed. I feel sleepy, maybe because of our overnight swimming last Sunday followed by a Monday full of events and stories packed with all the emotions we can feel.

Okay, let me unpack that Monday’s events. My bestfriend and I went to the campus because she is now a dormer, and I am happy for her. Yey! We arranged things in her room and excitedly thought of her coming dorm days. Next, we went to her college and met with a common friend. After our conversations and our hellos and goodbyes, we decided we need to eat. We rode a jeepney to Philcoa, got a little confused with the new route, walked some steps, and finally ate chickenjoy while talking about some hanash in life haha. After feeling a little bit recharged, we visited our highschool Math teacher and talked with her family while waiting for our turn to enter her room. We had a really little time to talk with her, but in my heart, I cherish those few minutes. We prayed for her and for her family before leaving the hospital. We then hurriedly went to a theater to watch Pagsambang Bayan The Musical, felt some terror and got our thoughts evoked by the play. Before going home, we had a light dinner at Chowking with my family and shared some stories and laughter haha. We then tried to sum up our thoughts and emotions for the day during our bus ride on our way home. It was indeed a full day, we agreed. Thank God for the strength we had for that Monday! We went home with our hearts full. ā¤

And then came the news about my highschool Math teacher. I was already asleep, in fact, I was already dreaming, when my bestfriend called and told me to go online. And so I did.Ā  How generous of my teacher’s daughter to share with us her mother’s last moments through a video call. She was asking us to give our last words to our teacher, who was also our coach in the Math contests we competed way back in highschool. I was speechless. The news wasn’t sinking in. My bestfriend was crying. I felt nothing. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I was literally speechless. The video call ended. I managed to compose my words of thanks to my teacher and sent it to her daughter. I was asked to read it to her over the phone. I cried as I did.

My mind was wandering after the phone call. I was not sleepy anymore, and thought of doing some stuff for my work. Next thing I know, it was already Tuesday morning.

Many things have happened and it’s difficult to process them all. I was not that productive today, I spent most of my time sleeping. My sister said I have overslept the whole day. But hey, I slept for many hours today because I need to replace my lack of sleeping hours last Sunday. And so I needed to sleep haha. But maybe she was right. Maybe that’s one of the reason I feel exhausted.Ā  Or maybe not. Maybe I just can’t process everything. I need space. To think. To feel. To breathe. Or maybe I just feel pressured because I still have no outputs for my work for two days now. Also, my laundry basket is haunting me, even my bags in my room are bugging me. I feel guilty because I have not been doing anything about my work and my chores this week. Hayyy.

I need rest. Not just some hours of sleep, but real rest.Ā  As I typed this entry’s title, Matt 11:28 instantly came to mind. “Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And then the lyrics of a song we sang in our youth choir started to play, “Come unto me, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, hear me and be blessed. I am meek and lowly, come and trust my might for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

O Jesus, I need rest. Restore my strength that I may do all that is required of me, and other things that I want to do for you. Renew my strength that I may live life to the fullest. Dami talagang ganaps, tulungan nyo po akong makabalik on track. Thank you Jesus. Aasahan ko po ang pahinga at panibagong lakas na ibibigay niyo. Amen.

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Advice to my 16-year old self

One last question during my interview last Saturday was to give an advice to my 16-year old self. Okay, so I recalled how the highschool Jassy was and these were the things I thought she needed to hear then.

Hi Jas. You don’t need to wear masks. You don’t need to maintain the image that you’ve created. You don’t need to pretend that you’re strong, that you’re the bully one. You don’t need to pretend that you don’t have a crush. It’s okay to express yourself. It’s okay to be you.

What a heart-warming moment! Needless to say, I cried.

**This was written on Nov 27, 2017, days after my interview for an NGO. Indeed, it was a meaningful interview coz I learned many things about myself and my dreams and desires. Yey, thank You Lord! šŸ™‚

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Long time together kasi long time no see

Yeyy, finally, nagkita na tayo! Super busy ng mga nagdaang buwan, sa pag-aaral mo at sa trabaho ko. Buti na lang tapos na ang lahat. Sabay-sabay natapos ang 2017, ang sem mo, at ang project namin. At ang future namin ng crush ko. Charots.

Naalala ko nung nagkita tayo dati, ikaw yung nagtatrabaho tapos ako yung nag-aaral. Pakiramdam ko noon maraming pagkakaiba ang nagtatrabaho sa nag-aaral, pero ngayon naiisip ko, woooh, parang pareho lang naman yata! Haha. Nasasabayan pa rin naman natin ang kwentuhan at experiences ng isat-isa.

Anyways, simula nung nabasa natin yung The Secrets of the Family Tree, dumalas ang usapan natin tungkol sa pamilya, kung paano tayo nakaka-relate sa mga sinabi sa libro, at (ang pinakamahirap) kung ano na ang gagawin natin sa nabasa natin. Buti na lang gets natin ang isat-isa. Yey!

Natutuwa ako sa exchange gifts natin tuwing ganitong season, at sa exchange thoughts natin sa mga ganaps sa paligid natin at sa mga kakilala haha. Hindi talaga tayo mawawalan ng pag-uusapan. Salamats Cha!

Laging refreshing ang oras ko with you. Thank you! Sa susunod, sige, mag-Eco Park naman tayo. Tingin tayo sa clouds. HAHA. God bless sa second sem mo at sa bahay mode ko. šŸ™‚

PS Na-realize ko ngayon lang, di pala natin masyadong nata-topic ang lovelife mo hehe. Puro kasi ako daldal ng crushlife ko e! Sa susunod na lang. šŸ™‚

PS ulit Tho nasa Tuesdays with Charrie na category ito, Saturday talaga ito, hindi Tuesday hehe šŸ˜‰