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Letting go Part 1

Waaaah. Ooooooooh. Does it spark joy?

Okay, let me face the truth. Yes, it indeed sparks joy. I know how excited I am to write a book, to learn a new subject, to plan things out, to work with a highschool classmate. I know. I know it sparks joy. But sadly, I have turned down the opportunity. But why?

I can’t believe I’m feeling this way,
can’t believe I’d admit this to myself.
And honestly, I can’t believe I have let go of the opportunity huhuhu

Lord, I just hope I made the right decision. Help me move on. Amen.

I still want to speak. But I don’t know what to say.
But I want to know why I am feeling this way.
I want to understand what’s happening inside.

Maybe I feel this way because this is my first time to not grab an opportunity.
It feels
so weird.
I am not comfortable with it,
I feel uneasy, unsettled,
coz what I know is that opportunities are meant to be grabbed.
But maybe
some opportunities
are really meant to be ignored.
Maybe. Ooooh. Haha. Hehe.

Siguro nga.

HAHAHA.
So far that’s the most convincing justification I’ve thought of.
YeheyyyyhahahapushtamanaangpanghihinayangmoveonnatayoJashahaha! πŸ™‚

———————————

Grabe, Lord, thank you po. Indeed, thank you for helping me move on. Ilang araw na akong nahihirapan dahil sa panghihinayang. Pero siguro nga, may mga bagay talagang kailangang i-let go. Hindi kailangang i-grab lahat ng opportunity lalo na kung medyo alanganin at mako-compromise ang pagiging tapat at totoo, at posible ring ma-compromise ang mga dapat na priority ko sa ngayon. Tama nga naman. Haaayyyyy. So mukhang kailangan ko na talagang tapusin ang panghihinayang sa librong hindi naisulat, at hintayin ang susunod na pagkakataong makapagsulat. Sana nga may dumating pa. At pagdating nun, sana pwede ko nang sunggaban ang pagkakataon.

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Love letter na natanggap ko nung Feb

Dear Jas,

I love you. Lagi naman e. Kahit ano pang ginagawa mo, kahit busy ka pa sa ibang bagay o sa ibang tao, love pa rin kita. Hindi magbabago yun.

Oo nga, nakaka-miss din yung intimate Quiet times natin sa bubong o kaya sa court, pero alam mo, Jas, kahit nasaan ka pa, sa kwarto o sa sasakyan, naririnig kita. Wag kang mag-alala. Naririnig kita. Kausapin mo lang ako. Kahit sa isip lang o sa bulong, kahit di ka magsulat, pinapakinggan kita. Pero syempre, mainam na magsulat ka, para meron kang record at reminder na rin ng pag-ibig ko sayo.

Jas, tandaan mo, natutuwa ako pag ako ang inuuna mo imbes na yung cellphone mo. Nakakalungkot pag naisasantabi mo ang panahon mo para sa akin pero kahit na ganun, tandaan mo, sa tuwing babalik ka, handa akong yakapin ka nang mahigpit.

With much love,
God ❀

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Writing memories

If I am to write a book, it would be about my memories. Those are my treasures and I want to immortalize them by writing them down in a book.

When I was in college, a classmate told me that I write my memories too long. I really felt down those times and tried to limit all my journal entries to just 100 words. Then little by little, I felt so restricted that I became reserved in writing down what I really want to say.

Tonight, I am giving myself permission to write memories using all the words I need. (I actually intended to write this particular entry using 100 words, but HAHA I want to break that for now) May this entry remind me to write from the heart, without any reservations :)) (Though, of course, there will be times when I will choose to use just 100 words in writing down my memories, and that’s okay. I don’t see any problem with that at all. Hehehe) πŸ™‚ ❀

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Five minute-break

Yes, hello. πŸ™‚ I think it’s time to stop for a while and write some stuff in my head. Well, to be honest, many thoughts are popping in my head right now and I can’t choose which to write. Hmmmmmm…

Just this week, uhm. Wait, let me rephrase hehe.

Uhm, little by little, I’m starting to… learn that…

Life is not about our profession. Not about our money. Not about what we do for a living. Not about our plans. Not about our dreams. It’s all about relationships. Our relationship with God, and our relationship with others. It is important that in all that we do, we show our love to God and to others. ❀

With this realization, I feel blessed. I feel relieved. I feel free hehe because I need not worry too much on the specifics of life. As long as I pursue my relationship with God and let the love of God flow to the people around me, I know I can live the life God wants me to have. πŸ™‚ Thank You Lord. Amen!

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Diskarteng pa-safe

Ako yung tipong pa-safe.
Saktong reaksyon lang.
Di pasaway. Di rin super masunurin.
Sakto lang. Yung hindi pansinin.

Ayoko kasing mapagalitan.
Ayokong masigawan
Kaya tahimik lang ako madalas.
Di ako napag-iinitan.

Pag di ako sumunod, di ko papahalata.
Pag may gala, sinasabay sa valid na lakad.
Tamang timing at dahilan, makakapasa na.
Madali lang naman, basta kumpleto ang paalam.

Madalas din akong gabihin noon
Akala ko nga di pansin, yun pala ako ang di nakakapansin
Nagagalit pala si Papa pag gabi akong umuuwi
Nagpaalam o hindi, di raw ako dapat magpagabi.

Alam ko na ngayon bakit galit si Papa
Pag kumakain ako sa labas at gabi na umuuwi
Gusto nya sabay-sabay kaming kumain
Para maramdaman naman niya ang “pamilya” namin

Alam ko na ngayon na nalulungkot talaga sya
Pag umuwi kaming mga anak nya na nakakain na sa labas
Gaya ngayon, alam kong gutom na siya
Kaso nakakain na ako, tapos sya, magluluto pa.

Nakaka-guilty naman.
Mag-aaral na akong magluto para next time
Pag-uwi niya may pagkain siyang dadatnan
Tapos sabay kaming kakain ng hapunan. πŸ™‚

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Birthday countdown

When Ber-months come in, countdown to Christmas also begin
And well, as my closest friends know,
I also start a countdown with my twin.

When we were younger, we would sit up the side car of our tricycle
And sing, “Happy birthday to me,” wholeheartedly πŸ™‚
Aaah I miss those days ❀

Yes, we were kids then
And our neighbor would always ask us to go down, worried thatΒ we might fall.
But we never did till we finish our birthday song. Haha

Sitting side by side, we smile, raise our arms, and sing as loud as we can.
Happy birthday to me! πŸ™‚

 

*This post is written in response toΒ Daily Prompt: Cake

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Ano nga ulit yung isusulat ko?

Ilang gabi ko nang gustong magsulat pero pag magsusulat na ako, biglang umaatras yung mga salita.
Gaya ngayon. Nawala na naman sila. Siguro dahil hindi pa ako sigurado sa gusto kong sabihin kaya bigla akong nauutal.

Sige, ganito kasi. Gusto ko lang talaga isulat yung kwentuhan namin ni Cha nung Tuesday.
Pero bigla ko naiisip yung mga ganap sa Pilipinas ngayon. Mga adik, basta-basta pinapatay. Si Marcos, ipapalibing sa LibinganNgMgaBayani. Ang labo.

Gusto ko talaga sanang magsulat ng masasayang moments this week pero pakiramdam ko parang wala kong karapatang magsaya kasi nga magulo ang mundo ngayon. Haist. E paano yan?