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Tsktsktsk.

Ayoko pero gusto ko.
Na-eenjoy ko kasi.
Sorry na.

Oops, hala, seryoso ba?
Wag ganun.
Chummy lang ito.
Or not.
Mukhang big deal na.

Gusto kong sabihing walang effect sa akin, pero di yun totoo.

Nauubos oras ko, as in literal na oras.
Ang tagal kong bumangon, nakaka-guilty na.

Di ko magawa yung mga dapat kong gawin.
Hindi na nakakatulong, nakaka-distract talaga.

Okay lang naman daw basta in moderation.

Pero pag na-eenjoy na, kaya pa bang i-moderate lang?
Mahirap yun. Mahirap kontrolin ang sarili.

Anyare sayo, Jas?
Saan mo hinahanap ang saya?

Diba sabi mo, Sa Diyos hanapin ang kaligayahan?

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Looking back on my teacher days

When asked to introduce myself, I usually say, I was a Math teacher. I always say that because I am proud to be a teacher. And I do feel happy remembering my teacher life.

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Yes, I was a Math teacher. I taught for two years in the school where I graduated elementary and high school. Being co-teachers with my former teachers was one of the things I see as an accomplishment in life haha. Yea, it was heartwarming to teach alongside the teachers who taught me the basics in school and in life. Of course I also had young co-teachers, many of us were fresh graduates from college, and that made it easier for us to relate with each other and become good friends!

I experienced many things in my two years of teachingβ€” I taught Math to Grade 5, 6, and 8 students, tried teaching music, arts, play, and other stuff to Preschool Education college students, coached for Math contests, revived the Math Club, joined storytelling contests, read children’s story books to students and teachers on random days, launched my Encouragement Project, played ukulele during events, sort-of mentored practicum students in teaching, made friends with my fellow teachers and staff, enjoyed being a supportive adviser to Grade 6-Industry for their dance and sports endeavors, and many many more! Hayyy, looking back on those good days always makes my heart flutter. I truly love teaching, I really do. I love sharing my time, efforts, knowledge, ideas, and whatever I have to people who might benefit from it. Oh, indeed, I miss teaching!

Writing this confirms in my heart that indeed, teaching is my thing. It is what I love doing. It is what I would want to do even with little pay. It is what I want to be doing when I grow old. I hope I could go back to teaching someday. πŸ™‚

You may ask, What triggered these thoughts, Jas? Don’t you enjoy your work as a Bible translator?

Haha, not that I do not enjoy my present work. I enjoy translating, yes, it’s true. I also like the relationship I have with my teammates and with our consultant. It’s just that uhm, well, okay. I visited my school today and bonded with my favorite teacher. She toured me in the school, and the memories, plus the feelings, just came rushing in! The school environment made me excited. The people, the place, the atmosphere! Haaaaay.

Since I left teaching, many have asked what I will do now with my Math skills. I always say, we’ll see. I might go back to teaching someday. Let me just finish this project. I really like this project that I’m working on that’s why I cannot let it go. πŸ™‚ We’ll see, guys. If teaching is meant for me, I will surely go back to teaching. Someday. Don’t you worry, friends.

Again, don’t get me wrong. I love what I do now as a translator. Teaching and translating are two things I cannot compare. They are special in their own ways. Maybe my emotions were just triggered haha. I guess, I am just being raw and honest right now. Obviously, this is just how I feel right now. Ooooh haha.

Why so defensive, Jas? Hahaha.

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Questions of my heart

I read a book that to discover what’s in our hearts, we may take a look on the questions we often ask. The author of that book suggested that we list 100 questions in just one sitting to examine our hearts. And so I tried, haha.

  1. What things really matter to me?
  2. Will I really be able to do all the things IΒ  love to do?
  3. What would life be if no laptops or cellphones were invented?
  4. Why can’t I control myself better than I control myself before?
  5. What things distract me?
  6. When will I learn to cook?
  7. What can I do for the country?
  8. Why do our leaders think that way?
  9. Don’t they have conscience?
  10. What can I do to help Bok open up to our family?
  11. Why can’t I say what I really want to say?
  12. What should I say when Papa gets angry?
  13. What should I do to help spread love at home?
  14. Will taking up MA Biblical Studies really be beneficial for me and for the people around me?
  15. Where do I go next after graduation?
  16. What if my studies affect my work negatively?
  17. Do I really want to marry someone from UMC?
  18. What if I don’t get to marry?
  19. Will I finish this list?
  20. Why am I easily irritated?
  21. Do I need to read more about family dynamics?
  22. What will be my thesis?
  23. When will everyone come to know God?
  24. If I were to start a business, what would it be?
  25. What do bus drivers think about when they drive?
  26. Are love teams really made in heaven or do we get to choose them?
  27. Can I really finish this list in one sitting?
  28. What if I continue this some other time, will the results still be reliable?
  29. How reliable am I?
  30. What is the greatest thing I can do for a friend?
  31. Are all UP students really intelligent?
  32. What does intelligent mean?
  33. If I did not study in FCPC and in UP, will I still think this way?
  34. How can we get our churchmates involved in the ministries of our church?
  35. How important is the Bible to the Filipino people?
  36. Does our work really matter?
  37. How can we educate people about Solid Waste Management?
  38. What can I do to help reduce solid wastes?
  39. Can I still go back to teaching Math?
  40. Will I be able to teach in a public school someday?
  41. What is it like to teach in a public school?
  42. What if my plans happened the way I wanted them?
  43. Did my past crushes also had a crush on me? Haha.
  44. If they were not my crush, would I still treat them the way I treated them?
  45. How can we tell politicians not to cut trees?
  46. How can we tell them to prioritize education?
  47. How can I teach Math even without going back to formal education?
  48. Why do people take photos?
  49. What memories do we love reminiscing?
  50. Why do people love to travel?
  51. Can dogs really understand humans?
  52. Can humans really understand their pets?
  53. What food gives us most energy?
  54. What if fast foods were not established?
  55. How simple is a simple life?
  56. Would I love a simple life?
  57. What happens after we die?
  58. Can we know exactly the answer to that question?
  59. Why do themes on life and death concern us?
  60. How can everybody feel loved?
  61. Why do I need to finish this list?
  62. How can I stop procrastinating?
  63. Why don’t I brush three times a day?
  64. How do we know if he’s the one?
  65. What are the things I really need in my life?
  66. How does art touch our soul?
  67. How does music touch our soul?
  68. If I will write a song, what would it be about?
  69. Why do I love singing?
  70. How can I earn extra income? Hehe
  71. Will our dream library be a reality?
  72. When will Bok go back to church?
  73. When will we start praying together again as a family aside from during meal times?
  74. What can we do together to spend quality time with each other?
  75. Was taking the dog food inside the house a wrong move?
  76. What time would I be sleeping now?
  77. Do I need to go back to my spreadsheet of expenses?
  78. Do I really need to finish this list? Haha
  79. Why do I keep on asking that question?
  80. Do my crushes still remember our moments together with smile on their faces? Haha
  81. What if I marry a non-UMC man, would I be happy?
  82. What gives me joy?
  83. How do I describe a productive day?
  84. How do I describe a meaningful life?
  85. How can I lead the Pinoy OT Team better?
  86. Can I really adapt to the student life?
  87. What can be done to solve the traffic in the Philippines?
  88. Do we really need a van?
  89. When can we buy the house next to us for our library and house extension?
  90. What are my plans after graduation?
  91. Will I stay in Bulacan after my work in PBS?
  92. Will I stay in Bulacan if ever I marry?
  93. What are Bok’s plans?
  94. What should I do with all my things?
  95. When will I mail letters again?
  96. What book will I write?
  97. What motivates a person?
  98. How can we know what we really want?
  99. Is it really important to know what we truly want?
  100. Does God care about the desires of our hearts?

Some of these questions have been roughly answered in my mind as I typed them, but I still typed them anyway. Just for the record. Haha. ❀

Next step: group these questions according to themes. Ooooh.

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Sofa Thoughts

Humiga ako sa sofa kanina at pagpikit ko, maraming bumalik na alaala.

Naalala ko nung humiga ako sa faculty lounge namin sa school kasi masama ang pakiramdam ko. May nakakita sa aking ibang teacher at sinumbong ako sa coordinator ko. Nung nasa clinic na ako, pinagsabihan ako ng coordinator ko na wag na akong hihiga doon para walang masabi ang iba. Dumiretso na lang daw ako sa clinic pag di okay ang pakiramdam ko. Simula nun, napadalas na ang paghiga ko sa clinic hehe.

Naalala ko tuloy yung araw na pumasok ako kahit hinang-hina ako. Na-guilty ako kasi pangatlong araw na akong absent, at huli na kami sa lessons, e kailangan nang mag-quiz. Kaya pumasok ako. Pero akala ko lang pala kaya ko na. Halos kakaupo ko lang sa classroom, naramdaman ko agad ang hilo. Ayun, balik clinic. Di ko na ikukwento anong nangyari pababa galing sa Room 501. Basta, okay naman na ako hehe.

Naalala ko tuloy yung mga araw na nasa school ako at nagtuturo. Nakaka-miss. Noon, parang tuloy-tuloy lang ang mga araw, hindi ko nararamdamang nagtatrabaho ako. Basta para lang akong nabubuhay. Ibig kong sabihin, nung nagtuturo ako, dama kong masaya na ako sa ganung buhay. I felt like I’m living the life I want. At palagay ko naman, yun din ang buhay na gusto ng Diyos para sa akin nung mga panahong yun. Seryoso. Ewan ko lang ngayon. Hehe. Darating din tayo diyan.

Naalala ko tuloy yung sabi ni Ate Love sa akin dati, “May iba-iba tayong calling sa ibat-ibang panahon.” Something ganun. At in fairness, sang-ayon ako sa kanya. Saan kaya ako tatawagin sa susunod? πŸ™‚

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Five minute-break

Yes, hello. πŸ™‚ I think it’s time to stop for a while and write some stuff in my head. Well, to be honest, many thoughts are popping in my head right now and I can’t choose which to write. Hmmmmmm…

Just this week, uhm. Wait, let me rephrase hehe.

Uhm, little by little, I’m starting to… learn that…

Life is not about our profession. Not about our money. Not about what we do for a living. Not about our plans. Not about our dreams. It’s all about relationships. Our relationship with God, and our relationship with others. It is important that in all that we do, we show our love to God and to others. ❀

With this realization, I feel blessed. I feel relieved. I feel free hehe because I need not worry too much on the specifics of life. As long as I pursue my relationship with God and let the love of God flow to the people around me, I know I can live the life God wants me to have. πŸ™‚ Thank You Lord. Amen!

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Ano nga ulit yung isusulat ko?

Ilang gabi ko nang gustong magsulat pero pag magsusulat na ako, biglang umaatras yung mga salita.
Gaya ngayon. Nawala na naman sila. Siguro dahil hindi pa ako sigurado sa gusto kong sabihin kaya bigla akong nauutal.

Sige, ganito kasi. Gusto ko lang talaga isulat yung kwentuhan namin ni Cha nung Tuesday.
Pero bigla ko naiisip yung mga ganap sa Pilipinas ngayon. Mga adik, basta-basta pinapatay. Si Marcos, ipapalibing sa LibinganNgMgaBayani. Ang labo.

Gusto ko talaga sanang magsulat ng masasayang moments this week pero pakiramdam ko parang wala kong karapatang magsaya kasi nga magulo ang mundo ngayon. Haist. E paano yan?