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I need rest

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. My body aches, maybe because of my wrong position in bed. I feel sleepy, maybe because of our overnight swimming last Sunday followed by a Monday full of events and stories packed with all the emotions we can feel.

Okay, let me unpack that Monday’s events. My bestfriend and I went to the campus because she is now a dormer, and I am happy for her. Yey! We arranged things in her room and excitedly thought of her coming dorm days. Next, we went to her college and met with a common friend. After our conversations and our hellos and goodbyes, we decided we need to eat. We rode a jeepney to Philcoa, got a little confused with the new route, walked some steps, and finally ate chickenjoy while talking about some hanash in life haha. After feeling a little bit recharged, we visited our highschool Math teacher and talked with her family while waiting for our turn to enter her room. We had a really little time to talk with her, but in my heart, I cherish those few minutes. We prayed for her and for her family before leaving the hospital. We then hurriedly went to a theater to watch Pagsambang Bayan The Musical, felt some terror and got our thoughts evoked by the play. Before going home, we had a light dinner at Chowking with my family and shared some stories and laughter haha. We then tried to sum up our thoughts and emotions for the day during our bus ride on our way home. It was indeed a full day, we agreed. Thank God for the strength we had for that Monday! We went home with our hearts full. ❤

And then came the news about my highschool Math teacher. I was already asleep, in fact, I was already dreaming, when my bestfriend called and told me to go online. And so I did.  How generous of my teacher’s daughter to share with us her mother’s last moments through a video call. She was asking us to give our last words to our teacher, who was also our coach in the Math contests we competed way back in highschool. I was speechless. The news wasn’t sinking in. My bestfriend was crying. I felt nothing. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I was literally speechless. The video call ended. I managed to compose my words of thanks to my teacher and sent it to her daughter. I was asked to read it to her over the phone. I cried as I did.

My mind was wandering after the phone call. I was not sleepy anymore, and thought of doing some stuff for my work. Next thing I know, it was already Tuesday morning.

Many things have happened and it’s difficult to process them all. I was not that productive today, I spent most of my time sleeping. My sister said I have overslept the whole day. But hey, I slept for many hours today because I need to replace my lack of sleeping hours last Sunday. And so I needed to sleep haha. But maybe she was right. Maybe that’s one of the reason I feel exhausted.  Or maybe not. Maybe I just can’t process everything. I need space. To think. To feel. To breathe. Or maybe I just feel pressured because I still have no outputs for my work for two days now. Also, my laundry basket is haunting me, even my bags in my room are bugging me. I feel guilty because I have not been doing anything about my work and my chores this week. Hayyy.

I need rest. Not just some hours of sleep, but real rest.  As I typed this entry’s title, Matt 11:28 instantly came to mind. “Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And then the lyrics of a song we sang in our youth choir started to play, “Come unto me, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, hear me and be blessed. I am meek and lowly, come and trust my might for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

O Jesus, I need rest. Restore my strength that I may do all that is required of me, and other things that I want to do for you. Renew my strength that I may live life to the fullest. Dami talagang ganaps, tulungan nyo po akong makabalik on track. Thank you Jesus. Aasahan ko po ang pahinga at panibagong lakas na ibibigay niyo. Amen.

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Back to my Quiet Times

As I read blog posts and notes and reflections I’ve written years ago, I can’t help but be amazed on how I processed my thoughts back then. It seemed like I had so much time, or maybe, I really made time to think things through. I miss that attitude.

Well, I had time maybe because internet was not that accessible before, which means going online was not yet that much of a temptation as it is now. Maybe.

Looking back, I think what made me wiser before were my daily conversations with God. I remember how fruitful my Quiet Times were– tho, okay fine, there were also times when I skipped– but overall during my college years, I learned many things about God and my place in the world as Jesus’ friend. I learned more about God’s love and plan written in the Bible. I was empowered to share to the people I meet what I learned. And I believe that the lessons I learned and shared and applied in life made me wiser. I lived with intentionality, always wanting to share God’s word to everyone.

Oh, memories! I hope to live wiser again this 2018, and even more than that!

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Nakakaloka.

Ang daming namamatay.

Naging normal na lang na balita araw-araw, gabi-gabi.

Matagal na akong hindi nakanood ng balita

Kaya nitong nakanood ulit ako, grabe,

Nakakalungkot. Nakakaloka.

Nanlaban daw.

Sa totoo lang, meron pa bang manlalaban ngayon

E alam nilang papatayin lang din sila kung manlalaban sila?

Ah, baka naman kaya sila nanlalaban kasi isip nila

At least namatay silang lumalaban. Ganun ba?

Hmm, mahirap isipin. Nakakaloka.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit may mga Kristiyanong sang-ayon sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

Siguro mas maiintindihan ko pa yung mga hindi umiimik,

Kasi sa totoo lang, mahirap talagang umimik

Lalo na kung kontra sa opinyon ng marami yung sasabihin mo,

Lalo na kung maraming di matutuwa sa mga salita mo.

Pero yung mga umiimik ng pagsuporta sa gyerang to,

Grabe lang. Grabe sila. Nakakaloka.

Pro-life daw.

Pero biglang kabig na, “E deserve naman kasi nilang mamatay.

Pinili nilang gumawa ng masama. Dapat lang sa kanila yan.”

Whuuut? Saang part dun yung pagiging pro-life nyo? Huhubells.

Kung magsalita tayo para bang sila, dapat lang mamatay

Para mas maging safe kuno ang buhay natin.

Paano naman yung buhay nila at ng pamilya nila?

Aaaah, pro-life nga. Sariling buhay lang iniisip.

Mabuti pa raw na mamatay sila para mabuhay tayo nang mas payapa.

Naging payapa nga ba? Payapa ba kung araw-araw may pinapatay?

Gabi-gabi na lang, may pamilyang naglalamay. 😦

Nakakalungkot. Huhubells talaga. Nakakaloka.

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May future pa ba ang bansa?

I mean, magandang future?

Kung ibabase ko lang sa mga nakikita ko ngayon,

Mahirap nang umasa pang gaganda ang sitwasyon.

Kasi nga diba, nakakaloka talaga.

Nage-gets nyo ba ako? O feeling nyo masyado lang akong nega?

Pero haaaaaaaaayyyyy

Live by faith and not by sight.

Huhubells.

Kahit na nakakaloka ang mga ganap sa bansa ngayon

Kahit na di ko maintindihan

Kahit na nakaka-frustrate ang pagiging patay malisya ng bayan sa mga nangyayari

Kahit na parang walang pag-asa

Kahit na maraming “kahit na”

Pipiliin kong magtiwala pa rin sa iyo, O Diyos.

Magtitiwala pa rin po akong magiging maliwanag ulit

Ang kinabukasan ng Pilipinas.

Matatapos ang dilim, at mapapatunayang

Kailanman hindi talaga magagapi ng dilim ang liwanag.

Magliliwanag sa buong bansa.

Makikilala ka ng lahat ng Pilipino.

Yes, Lord. Magliliwanag sa buong bansa at makikilala ka ng lahat ng Pilipino.

Salamat po.

Sa tuwing pinapaalala nyo sa akin na merong pag-asa,

Napapangiti ako. Nakakagaan ng puso.

Haay. Sana nga po. Sana talaga.

(Pero wait. Biglang kumirot ang puso ko.

Aww, seryoso. Literal.

Ang sakit. Anong ibig sabihin nito?

Oooh nakakaloka pero

Itutuloy ko pa ang nasimulan kong dasal.)

Panginoon, malamang po kumikirot din ang puso nyo

Sa mga nangyayari sa bansang Pillipinas.

Maraming namamatay, di na umiiral ang hustisya.

Magulo at madilim ang paligid.

Tuso at sinungaling ang mga lider huhu

At kaming mga Kristiyano, iba-iba pa ang pananaw tungkol dito.

Sa lahat ng ito, Panginoon,

Alam po naming sa inyo lang kami makakaasa.

Wala nang iba pa.

Baguhin nyo po kami, at gamitin para sa tunay na pagbabago

Sa mahal naming bansang Pilipinas.

Di na talaga kami pwedeng tahimik na lang.

Pangunahan nyo po kami, Panginoon.

Magliwanag po kayo sa madidilim naming mga puso.

Patawarin nyo po kami sa mga kasalanan namin.

Magliwanag po kayo sa mga buhay namin

at sana ang liwanag nyo na lang talaga

Ang makita naming lahat.

Ipakita nyo po sa amin ang dapat naming gawin.

Sa pangalan ni Jesus. Amen.

*sinulat nung Jan 7, 2017, kasagsagan ng mga ejk sa bansa. Nakakalungkot kasi hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin. 😦
*
kantang swak na swak: Perfect love by Hillsong United

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God’s response to my drama

February 23, 2017

Jas,

Live a life of prayer. Yan na muna sa ngayon. Don’t be so busy doing things for me to the point that you have no time left for me. Put me first in everything that you do. From the moment you wake up to the time you sleep. Live a life of prayer, Jas. Pray. Talk to me. And please, listen. Listen to me. Listen to what I’m saying.

Then things will go well with you and you will have great success. Your success will be based on the people who came to know Me through your life. Share My love for everyone. Talk about Me. Tama na siguro muna ang crush talks at nonsense talks. Ako naman ang ibida mo ngayon. Nalimutan mo na ba ang mga ginawa ko para sayo? Wala ka na bang bagong kwento tungkol sa pagmamahal ko sayo? Be observant, Jas. Andito lang ako lagi sa tabi mo.

Lastly, if you want to walk on water
you’ve got to get out of the boat.

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Wag kang makontento sa nakasanayan mo na. Go. Live out My dreams for you. Marami pa kong gustong ipagawa sayo. Hindi ka pa mamamatay. Ang tanong, handa ka na bang sumunod? I’ve been preparing you since Day 1. Alam mo naman kung saan kita tinatawag, tama ba? O hanggang ngayon denial ka pa rin? Don’t worry, Jas, kilala kita. Alam kong sigurista ka, gusto mo malinaw ang lahat. Akong bahala. Ako mismo ang kakausap sayo.

Di na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Basta, makinig ka lang. Marami akong plano para sayo Jas. Humanda ka na. I love you.

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Walang kondisyon

Grabe ang pag-ibig ng Panginoon sa ating lahat. Walang katulad.
Mahal niya tayo kahit marami tayong pagkukulang. Grabe. Nakakalunod. Ibang klase.
Mahal niya tayo kasi mahal niya tayo. Walang kondisyon.
Wala tayong dapat patunayan. Hindi na natin kailangang magpakitang-gilas pa.
Sigurado ang pagmamahal ng Diyos sa atin.

Ang tanong, gaano naman natin kamahal ang ating Panginoong Diyos?
Panigurado, di natin matutumbasan ang pag-ibig niya. Di natin kaya. Basta, ang nais niya, mahalin natin siya nang buong puso, buong isip, buong kaluluwa, at buong lakas.

E kumusta naman ang pag-ibig natin sa kapwa?
Nagmamahal din ba tayo nang walang kondisyon? Ehem.

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If your gift is teaching, devote yourself to teaching

This is really my call. I know. I am sure.
I am called to teach the Word of God to the people.
In order to do this faithfully, I myself should study God’s Word deeply. And then live it out.

Teaching Math. Yeah, I also love this, but…
I want to teach not just Math. I want to be a teacher of many things.
I want to teach music and arts. I want to tell stories. I want to share the Word of God.

The question is How?
How can I be a teacher of many things, especially, a teacher of God’s Word?
Will that be more feasible if I become a public school teacher?

What if I take up Master of Arts in Biblical Studies?
Then I could learn more about the Bible and might be allowed to teach Bible subjects in Harris.
There I could also teach Math, music, and arts!

What about our dream library?
Would it really be a reality?
I hope so, and I believe I could be a teacher of many things in that library.

Let’s go back to the public school.
There I could teach Math and values and other life lessons.
I might inspire more students coz indeed there are more children in public schools than anywhere else.

What should I do now?
I don’t know the answer, Lord. I really don’t know.
Where are you leading me? What do you want me to do for You?

*Daily Prompt: Passionate

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Why I read the Bible

2 Timothy 3:16-17 Good News Translation (GNT)
16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching the truth, rebuking error, correcting faults, and giving instruction for right living,17 so that the person who serves God may be fully qualified and equipped to do every kind of good deed.

Why do we read the Bible? Why do we pray? Is this just to gain favor from God? Or so that we could feel spiritual? Out of obligation or guilt?

Why do I read the Bible? Why do I pray?

 

It started one summer when I taught children that they should read their Bibles and pray every day, only to realize that I, their teacher, wasn’t doing it myself! From our lesson, we learned that by doing those, we would grow as a better child of God because we would know how to live rightly in God’s eyes, and so I committed myself to reading the Bible and praying every day.

As I soaked into God’s Word, I learned more truths about God. I learned that He is holy and that He loves what is right. And that He created you and me. I also learned that I am sinful. Believe me, I didn’t know it before. All my life I thought I was a good girl until I read a Bible verse talking about sins we should not do. The verse struck me coz I was doing all those, and so I realized I needed to be changed. And that I needed a Savior who could change me.

Since then, I started reading the Bible with a fresh perspective. I saw the words come alive and speak to me. I began to take each words and phrases personally and applied in my life what I have learned from it. I enjoyed reading Bible stories, letters from Paul, and the life of Jesus Christ written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I believe that God’s Word has worked in my life and it really changed me.

Until now, I still read the Bible, not so I could brag it around, but so that my relationship with God would deepen and grow. I read the Bible so that I could know how to live right in the eyes of God, so that I could have a self-check with my motives, so that my negative attitudes would be changed, so that I can have a direction in life.

Reading the Bible always comes with praying. I pray before reading. I pray as I read. And I pray after. I do it because I know I could not understand God’s Word on my own. I know I need guidance from the Holy Spirit so that I could better hear and understand what He wants to say. And also, I need to lift up my heart to God so He can cleanse it and open it to His Word. Without God, I know I wouldn’t be able to comprehend what I am reading. And praying changes me. Yeah, I know it is God who changes me, not the prayer. But what I mean is, I see myself change, or should I say, have a change of mind and change of heart, every after my prayer time with God, when I have spent more time communicating with God as He reveals His glory to me and showers His grace upon me.

Thank You, Lord for everything. These means of grace – reading the Bible and praying, has changed me a lot. Indeed, I have grown so much, thanks to You, God. 🙂

Be with me through this 40-day journey as we approach and celebrate Your resurrection. May I keep on reading Your Word and on praying every single day, and forever as long as I live. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.

 

Your turn: Why do you read the Bible? How does reading the Bible help you grow?