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Keep me near

Jesus keep me near to Your heart
For outside of You I’m lost
Draw me in the tide of Your will
Lead me as I yield myself to You
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart

Rescue me in weakness of mind
When distraction conquers me
Keep me in Your shadow oh Lord
Give me grace to follow where You lead
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart

For You are everything that is beautiful
And You are all that I long to see in me
You are everything that is beautiful
Breathe Your desires in me

Keep me in the place where You are
For Your presence is my joy
Break my selfish nature and pride
Mould a life of loyalty to You
Keep me near Your heart
Keep me near Your heart

Form in us a heart of divine beauty

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Number 1 prayer item

Why do we have the tendency to care so much for other people but not that much with our family? Bakit andami nating time para sa iba, pero sa sariling pamilya kulang na kulang? How much does our family matter to us? Gaano natin pinapahalagahan ang ating pamilya? Do I still pray for our family? Kelan ko huling pinagpray ang pamilya namin?

Ooooh. Siguro ito na nga ang gagawin ko for 26 days (or nights). I will pray for our family. Intentionally. Tamaa!

Lord, I pray for more quality time together with Papa, Mama, Ate Win, Ate Mai, and Bok. Amen.

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I need rest

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. My body aches, maybe because of my wrong position in bed. I feel sleepy, maybe because of our overnight swimming last Sunday followed by a Monday full of events and stories packed with all the emotions we can feel.

Okay, let me unpack that Monday’s events. My bestfriend and I went to the campus because she is now a dormer, and I am happy for her. Yey! We arranged things in her room and excitedly thought of her coming dorm days. Next, we went to her college and met with a common friend. After our conversations and our hellos and goodbyes, we decided we need to eat. We rode a jeepney to Philcoa, got a little confused with the new route, walked some steps, and finally ate chickenjoy while talking about some hanash in life haha. After feeling a little bit recharged, we visited our highschool Math teacher and talked with her family while waiting for our turn to enter her room. We had a really little time to talk with her, but in my heart, I cherish those few minutes. We prayed for her and for her family before leaving the hospital. We then hurriedly went to a theater to watch Pagsambang Bayan The Musical, felt some terror and got our thoughts evoked by the play. Before going home, we had a light dinner at Chowking with my family and shared some stories and laughter haha. We then tried to sum up our thoughts and emotions for the day during our bus ride on our way home. It was indeed a full day, we agreed. Thank God for the strength we had for that Monday! We went home with our hearts full. ❤

And then came the news about my highschool Math teacher. I was already asleep, in fact, I was already dreaming, when my bestfriend called and told me to go online. And so I did.  How generous of my teacher’s daughter to share with us her mother’s last moments through a video call. She was asking us to give our last words to our teacher, who was also our coach in the Math contests we competed way back in highschool. I was speechless. The news wasn’t sinking in. My bestfriend was crying. I felt nothing. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I was literally speechless. The video call ended. I managed to compose my words of thanks to my teacher and sent it to her daughter. I was asked to read it to her over the phone. I cried as I did.

My mind was wandering after the phone call. I was not sleepy anymore, and thought of doing some stuff for my work. Next thing I know, it was already Tuesday morning.

Many things have happened and it’s difficult to process them all. I was not that productive today, I spent most of my time sleeping. My sister said I have overslept the whole day. But hey, I slept for many hours today because I need to replace my lack of sleeping hours last Sunday. And so I needed to sleep haha. But maybe she was right. Maybe that’s one of the reason I feel exhausted.  Or maybe not. Maybe I just can’t process everything. I need space. To think. To feel. To breathe. Or maybe I just feel pressured because I still have no outputs for my work for two days now. Also, my laundry basket is haunting me, even my bags in my room are bugging me. I feel guilty because I have not been doing anything about my work and my chores this week. Hayyy.

I need rest. Not just some hours of sleep, but real rest.  As I typed this entry’s title, Matt 11:28 instantly came to mind. “Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And then the lyrics of a song we sang in our youth choir started to play, “Come unto me, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, hear me and be blessed. I am meek and lowly, come and trust my might for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

O Jesus, I need rest. Restore my strength that I may do all that is required of me, and other things that I want to do for you. Renew my strength that I may live life to the fullest. Dami talagang ganaps, tulungan nyo po akong makabalik on track. Thank you Jesus. Aasahan ko po ang pahinga at panibagong lakas na ibibigay niyo. Amen.

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Back to my Quiet Times

As I read blog posts and notes and reflections I’ve written years ago, I can’t help but be amazed on how I processed my thoughts back then. It seemed like I had so much time, or maybe, I really made time to think things through. I miss that attitude.

Well, I had time maybe because internet was not that accessible before, which means going online was not yet that much of a temptation as it is now. Maybe.

Looking back, I think what made me wiser before were my daily conversations with God. I remember how fruitful my Quiet Times were– tho, okay fine, there were also times when I skipped– but overall during my college years, I learned many things about God and my place in the world as Jesus’ friend. I learned more about God’s love and plan written in the Bible. I was empowered to share to the people I meet what I learned. And I believe that the lessons I learned and shared and applied in life made me wiser. I lived with intentionality, always wanting to share God’s word to everyone.

Oh, memories! I hope to live wiser again this 2018, and even more than that!

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Nakakaloka.

Ang daming namamatay.

Naging normal na lang na balita araw-araw, gabi-gabi.

Matagal na akong hindi nakanood ng balita

Kaya nitong nakanood ulit ako, grabe,

Nakakalungkot. Nakakaloka.

Nanlaban daw.

Sa totoo lang, meron pa bang manlalaban ngayon

E alam nilang papatayin lang din sila kung manlalaban sila?

Ah, baka naman kaya sila nanlalaban kasi isip nila

At least namatay silang lumalaban. Ganun ba?

Hmm, mahirap isipin. Nakakaloka.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit may mga Kristiyanong sang-ayon sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

Siguro mas maiintindihan ko pa yung mga hindi umiimik,

Kasi sa totoo lang, mahirap talagang umimik

Lalo na kung kontra sa opinyon ng marami yung sasabihin mo,

Lalo na kung maraming di matutuwa sa mga salita mo.

Pero yung mga umiimik ng pagsuporta sa gyerang to,

Grabe lang. Grabe sila. Nakakaloka.

Pro-life daw.

Pero biglang kabig na, “E deserve naman kasi nilang mamatay.

Pinili nilang gumawa ng masama. Dapat lang sa kanila yan.”

Whuuut? Saang part dun yung pagiging pro-life nyo? Huhubells.

Kung magsalita tayo para bang sila, dapat lang mamatay

Para mas maging safe kuno ang buhay natin.

Paano naman yung buhay nila at ng pamilya nila?

Aaaah, pro-life nga. Sariling buhay lang iniisip.

Mabuti pa raw na mamatay sila para mabuhay tayo nang mas payapa.

Naging payapa nga ba? Payapa ba kung araw-araw may pinapatay?

Gabi-gabi na lang, may pamilyang naglalamay. 😦

Nakakalungkot. Huhubells talaga. Nakakaloka.

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May future pa ba ang bansa?

I mean, magandang future?

Kung ibabase ko lang sa mga nakikita ko ngayon,

Mahirap nang umasa pang gaganda ang sitwasyon.

Kasi nga diba, nakakaloka talaga.

Nage-gets nyo ba ako? O feeling nyo masyado lang akong nega?

Pero haaaaaaaaayyyyy

Live by faith and not by sight.

Huhubells.

Kahit na nakakaloka ang mga ganap sa bansa ngayon

Kahit na di ko maintindihan

Kahit na nakaka-frustrate ang pagiging patay malisya ng bayan sa mga nangyayari

Kahit na parang walang pag-asa

Kahit na maraming “kahit na”

Pipiliin kong magtiwala pa rin sa iyo, O Diyos.

Magtitiwala pa rin po akong magiging maliwanag ulit

Ang kinabukasan ng Pilipinas.

Matatapos ang dilim, at mapapatunayang

Kailanman hindi talaga magagapi ng dilim ang liwanag.

Magliliwanag sa buong bansa.

Makikilala ka ng lahat ng Pilipino.

Yes, Lord. Magliliwanag sa buong bansa at makikilala ka ng lahat ng Pilipino.

Salamat po.

Sa tuwing pinapaalala nyo sa akin na merong pag-asa,

Napapangiti ako. Nakakagaan ng puso.

Haay. Sana nga po. Sana talaga.

(Pero wait. Biglang kumirot ang puso ko.

Aww, seryoso. Literal.

Ang sakit. Anong ibig sabihin nito?

Oooh nakakaloka pero

Itutuloy ko pa ang nasimulan kong dasal.)

Panginoon, malamang po kumikirot din ang puso nyo

Sa mga nangyayari sa bansang Pillipinas.

Maraming namamatay, di na umiiral ang hustisya.

Magulo at madilim ang paligid.

Tuso at sinungaling ang mga lider huhu

At kaming mga Kristiyano, iba-iba pa ang pananaw tungkol dito.

Sa lahat ng ito, Panginoon,

Alam po naming sa inyo lang kami makakaasa.

Wala nang iba pa.

Baguhin nyo po kami, at gamitin para sa tunay na pagbabago

Sa mahal naming bansang Pilipinas.

Di na talaga kami pwedeng tahimik na lang.

Pangunahan nyo po kami, Panginoon.

Magliwanag po kayo sa madidilim naming mga puso.

Patawarin nyo po kami sa mga kasalanan namin.

Magliwanag po kayo sa mga buhay namin

at sana ang liwanag nyo na lang talaga

Ang makita naming lahat.

Ipakita nyo po sa amin ang dapat naming gawin.

Sa pangalan ni Jesus. Amen.

*sinulat nung Jan 7, 2017, kasagsagan ng mga ejk sa bansa. Nakakalungkot kasi hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin. 😦
*
kantang swak na swak: Perfect love by Hillsong United

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God’s response to my drama

February 23, 2017

Jas,

Live a life of prayer. Yan na muna sa ngayon. Don’t be so busy doing things for me to the point that you have no time left for me. Put me first in everything that you do. From the moment you wake up to the time you sleep. Live a life of prayer, Jas. Pray. Talk to me. And please, listen. Listen to me. Listen to what I’m saying.

Then things will go well with you and you will have great success. Your success will be based on the people who came to know Me through your life. Share My love for everyone. Talk about Me. Tama na siguro muna ang crush talks at nonsense talks. Ako naman ang ibida mo ngayon. Nalimutan mo na ba ang mga ginawa ko para sayo? Wala ka na bang bagong kwento tungkol sa pagmamahal ko sayo? Be observant, Jas. Andito lang ako lagi sa tabi mo.

Lastly, if you want to walk on water
you’ve got to get out of the boat.

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Wag kang makontento sa nakasanayan mo na. Go. Live out My dreams for you. Marami pa kong gustong ipagawa sayo. Hindi ka pa mamamatay. Ang tanong, handa ka na bang sumunod? I’ve been preparing you since Day 1. Alam mo naman kung saan kita tinatawag, tama ba? O hanggang ngayon denial ka pa rin? Don’t worry, Jas, kilala kita. Alam kong sigurista ka, gusto mo malinaw ang lahat. Akong bahala. Ako mismo ang kakausap sayo.

Di na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Basta, makinig ka lang. Marami akong plano para sayo Jas. Humanda ka na. I love you.

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Walang kondisyon

Grabe ang pag-ibig ng Panginoon sa ating lahat. Walang katulad.
Mahal niya tayo kahit marami tayong pagkukulang. Grabe. Nakakalunod. Ibang klase.
Mahal niya tayo kasi mahal niya tayo. Walang kondisyon.
Wala tayong dapat patunayan. Hindi na natin kailangang magpakitang-gilas pa.
Sigurado ang pagmamahal ng Diyos sa atin.

Ang tanong, gaano naman natin kamahal ang ating Panginoong Diyos?
Panigurado, di natin matutumbasan ang pag-ibig niya. Di natin kaya. Basta, ang nais niya, mahalin natin siya nang buong puso, buong isip, buong kaluluwa, at buong lakas.

E kumusta naman ang pag-ibig natin sa kapwa?
Nagmamahal din ba tayo nang walang kondisyon? Ehem.