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Plano

27 days bago ako magbirthday. Anong pakulo ko? Ano na namang pa-countdown ang sisimulan ko tapos hindi ko rin matatapos?

Yung totoo, wala. Wala akong plano ngayon. Ayoko masyadong mag-isip. Ngayong 2019, wala rin akong plano. Okay din, at least, walang planong hindi matutupad, kasi nga walang plano. Haha.

Nawili ako sa pagpaplano ng buhay ko noon. Meron akong To do this day, this week, this month. Gumawa din ako ng time table ko for the next 10 years! Take note, may Plan A at Plan B pa yun! Binalikan ko yung time table na yun, nakakatawa kasi di rin super nasunod. Pati yung end goal pag 35 years old na ako, di ko na sure kung yun pa rin ba ang pinakagusto ko. And well, okay lang yun. Nagbabago talaga ang mga plano. Pero hindi ibig sabihin, nawalang saysay yung efforts kong magplano noon. May sense pa rin kasi nasort out ang mga iniisip ko at somehow naexplore ko ano nga ba ang gusto kong gawin sa buhay. Aaaand, nakita ko na iba pa rin pag si God ang nagplano. Naiiba yung ganaps pero convinced akong better ito sa mga plano ko noon.

Ahm, Lord, pasilip na lang kaya ng time table ko? πŸ˜‰

 

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Looking back on my teacher days

When asked to introduce myself, I usually say, I was a Math teacher. I always say that because I am proud to be a teacher. And I do feel happy remembering my teacher life.

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Yes, I was a Math teacher. I taught for two years in the school where I graduated elementary and high school. Being co-teachers with my former teachers was one of the things I see as an accomplishment in life haha. Yea, it was heartwarming to teach alongside the teachers who taught me the basics in school and in life. Of course I also had young co-teachers, many of us were fresh graduates from college, and that made it easier for us to relate with each other and become good friends!

I experienced many things in my two years of teachingβ€” I taught Math to Grade 5, 6, and 8 students, tried teaching music, arts, play, and other stuff to Preschool Education college students, coached for Math contests, revived the Math Club, joined storytelling contests, read children’s story books to students and teachers on random days, launched my Encouragement Project, played ukulele during events, sort-of mentored practicum students in teaching, made friends with my fellow teachers and staff, enjoyed being a supportive adviser to Grade 6-Industry for their dance and sports endeavors, and many many more! Hayyy, looking back on those good days always makes my heart flutter. I truly love teaching, I really do. I love sharing my time, efforts, knowledge, ideas, and whatever I have to people who might benefit from it. Oh, indeed, I miss teaching!

Writing this confirms in my heart that indeed, teaching is my thing. It is what I love doing. It is what I would want to do even with little pay. It is what I want to be doing when I grow old. I hope I could go back to teaching someday. πŸ™‚

You may ask, What triggered these thoughts, Jas? Don’t you enjoy your work as a Bible translator?

Haha, not that I do not enjoy my present work. I enjoy translating, yes, it’s true. I also like the relationship I have with my teammates and with our consultant. It’s just that uhm, well, okay. I visited my school today and bonded with my favorite teacher. She toured me in the school, and the memories, plus the feelings, just came rushing in! The school environment made me excited. The people, the place, the atmosphere! Haaaaay.

Since I left teaching, many have asked what I will do now with my Math skills. I always say, we’ll see. I might go back to teaching someday. Let me just finish this project. I really like this project that I’m working on that’s why I cannot let it go. πŸ™‚ We’ll see, guys. If teaching is meant for me, I will surely go back to teaching. Someday. Don’t you worry, friends.

Again, don’t get me wrong. I love what I do now as a translator. Teaching and translating are two things I cannot compare. They are special in their own ways. Maybe my emotions were just triggered haha. I guess, I am just being raw and honest right now. Obviously, this is just how I feel right now. Ooooh haha.

Why so defensive, Jas? Hahaha.

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Questions of my heart

I read a book that to discover what’s in our hearts, we may take a look on the questions we often ask. The author of that book suggested that we list 100 questions in just one sitting to examine our hearts. And so I tried, haha.

  1. What things really matter to me?
  2. Will I really be able to do all the things IΒ  love to do?
  3. What would life be if no laptops or cellphones were invented?
  4. Why can’t I control myself better than I control myself before?
  5. What things distract me?
  6. When will I learn to cook?
  7. What can I do for the country?
  8. Why do our leaders think that way?
  9. Don’t they have conscience?
  10. What can I do to help Bok open up to our family?
  11. Why can’t I say what I really want to say?
  12. What should I say when Papa gets angry?
  13. What should I do to help spread love at home?
  14. Will taking up MA Biblical Studies really be beneficial for me and for the people around me?
  15. Where do I go next after graduation?
  16. What if my studies affect my work negatively?
  17. Do I really want to marry someone from UMC?
  18. What if I don’t get to marry?
  19. Will I finish this list?
  20. Why am I easily irritated?
  21. Do I need to read more about family dynamics?
  22. What will be my thesis?
  23. When will everyone come to know God?
  24. If I were to start a business, what would it be?
  25. What do bus drivers think about when they drive?
  26. Are love teams really made in heaven or do we get to choose them?
  27. Can I really finish this list in one sitting?
  28. What if I continue this some other time, will the results still be reliable?
  29. How reliable am I?
  30. What is the greatest thing I can do for a friend?
  31. Are all UP students really intelligent?
  32. What does intelligent mean?
  33. If I did not study in FCPC and in UP, will I still think this way?
  34. How can we get our churchmates involved in the ministries of our church?
  35. How important is the Bible to the Filipino people?
  36. Does our work really matter?
  37. How can we educate people about Solid Waste Management?
  38. What can I do to help reduce solid wastes?
  39. Can I still go back to teaching Math?
  40. Will I be able to teach in a public school someday?
  41. What is it like to teach in a public school?
  42. What if my plans happened the way I wanted them?
  43. Did my past crushes also had a crush on me? Haha.
  44. If they were not my crush, would I still treat them the way I treated them?
  45. How can we tell politicians not to cut trees?
  46. How can we tell them to prioritize education?
  47. How can I teach Math even without going back to formal education?
  48. Why do people take photos?
  49. What memories do we love reminiscing?
  50. Why do people love to travel?
  51. Can dogs really understand humans?
  52. Can humans really understand their pets?
  53. What food gives us most energy?
  54. What if fast foods were not established?
  55. How simple is a simple life?
  56. Would I love a simple life?
  57. What happens after we die?
  58. Can we know exactly the answer to that question?
  59. Why do themes on life and death concern us?
  60. How can everybody feel loved?
  61. Why do I need to finish this list?
  62. How can I stop procrastinating?
  63. Why don’t I brush three times a day?
  64. How do we know if he’s the one?
  65. What are the things I really need in my life?
  66. How does art touch our soul?
  67. How does music touch our soul?
  68. If I will write a song, what would it be about?
  69. Why do I love singing?
  70. How can I earn extra income? Hehe
  71. Will our dream library be a reality?
  72. When will Bok go back to church?
  73. When will we start praying together again as a family aside from during meal times?
  74. What can we do together to spend quality time with each other?
  75. Was taking the dog food inside the house a wrong move?
  76. What time would I be sleeping now?
  77. Do I need to go back to my spreadsheet of expenses?
  78. Do I really need to finish this list? Haha
  79. Why do I keep on asking that question?
  80. Do my crushes still remember our moments together with smile on their faces? Haha
  81. What if I marry a non-UMC man, would I be happy?
  82. What gives me joy?
  83. How do I describe a productive day?
  84. How do I describe a meaningful life?
  85. How can I lead the Pinoy OT Team better?
  86. Can I really adapt to the student life?
  87. What can be done to solve the traffic in the Philippines?
  88. Do we really need a van?
  89. When can we buy the house next to us for our library and house extension?
  90. What are my plans after graduation?
  91. Will I stay in Bulacan after my work in PBS?
  92. Will I stay in Bulacan if ever I marry?
  93. What are Bok’s plans?
  94. What should I do with all my things?
  95. When will I mail letters again?
  96. What book will I write?
  97. What motivates a person?
  98. How can we know what we really want?
  99. Is it really important to know what we truly want?
  100. Does God care about the desires of our hearts?

Some of these questions have been roughly answered in my mind as I typed them, but I still typed them anyway. Just for the record. Haha. ❀

Next step: group these questions according to themes. Ooooh.

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Usapang pangarap

Di ako makatulog, gising pa ang diwa ko. Binalikan ko tuloy yung 100 dreams na sinulat ko dati. Hindi pa kumpleto yun, 98 pa lang. May ilang natupad na, merong muntik-muntikan, meron ding medyo malayo pa sa katotohanan.

Nung bata ako, pangarap kong maging teacher. Natupad ang pangarap kong yun–nagturo ako ng Math, pero dalawang taon lang. Oo alam ko, nakakabitin talaga. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko nang magturo, may iba lang akong gustong gawin at aralin ngayon.

Ang totoo, bukod sa Math, pangarap ko ring magturo ng Bible. Pero di ko masyadong pinagkakalat. Sasabihin ko na lang pag final answer na. πŸ˜‰

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Advice to my 16-year old self

One last question during my interview last Saturday was to give an advice to my 16-year old self. Okay, so I recalled how the highschool Jassy was and these were the things I thought she needed to hear then.

Hi Jas. You don’t need to wear masks. You don’t need to maintain the image that you’ve created. You don’t need to pretend that you’re strong, that you’re the bully one. You don’t need to pretend that you don’t have a crush. It’s okay to express yourself. It’s okay to be you.

What a heart-warming moment! Needless to say, I cried.

**This was written on Nov 27, 2017, days after my interview for an NGO. Indeed, it was a meaningful interview coz I learned many things about myself and my dreams and desires. Yey, thank You Lord! πŸ™‚

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Friday of Thanks

Thank You Lord for this day! Thank You for helping me finish my long overdue assignments. Thank You for my kwentuhan with Ate Mai. Thank You for TFP’s email, my heart really jumped for joy! Thank You because I am now one step closer to coming back to teaching. Thank You for friends who rejoiced with me as I update them with this good news. Thank You for their expressed support and for their willingness to be a part of my application journey! Thank You for their moral support, Lord. Thank You for opening this door to me. Thank You!

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God’s response to my drama

February 23, 2017

Jas,

Live a life of prayer. Yan na muna sa ngayon. Don’t be so busy doing things for me to the point that you have no time left for me. Put me first in everything that you do. From the moment you wake up to the time you sleep. Live a life of prayer, Jas. Pray. Talk to me. And please, listen. Listen to me. Listen to what I’m saying.

Then things will go well with you and you will have great success. Your success will be based on the people who came to know Me through your life. Share My love for everyone. Talk about Me. Tama na siguro muna ang crush talks at nonsense talks. Ako naman ang ibida mo ngayon. Nalimutan mo na ba ang mga ginawa ko para sayo? Wala ka na bang bagong kwento tungkol sa pagmamahal ko sayo? Be observant, Jas. Andito lang ako lagi sa tabi mo.

Lastly, if you want to walk on water
you’ve got to get out of the boat.

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Wag kang makontento sa nakasanayan mo na. Go. Live out My dreams for you. Marami pa kong gustong ipagawa sayo. Hindi ka pa mamamatay. Ang tanong, handa ka na bang sumunod? I’ve been preparing you since Day 1. Alam mo naman kung saan kita tinatawag, tama ba? O hanggang ngayon denial ka pa rin? Don’t worry, Jas, kilala kita. Alam kong sigurista ka, gusto mo malinaw ang lahat. Akong bahala. Ako mismo ang kakausap sayo.

Di na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Basta, makinig ka lang. Marami akong plano para sayo Jas. Humanda ka na. I love you.