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I need rest

I am tired. Physically and emotionally. My body aches, maybe because of my wrong position in bed. I feel sleepy, maybe because of our overnight swimming last Sunday followed by a Monday full of events and stories packed with all the emotions we can feel.

Okay, let me unpack that Monday’s events. My bestfriend and I went to the campus because she is now a dormer, and I am happy for her. Yey! We arranged things in her room and excitedly thought of her coming dorm days. Next, we went to her college and met with a common friend. After our conversations and our hellos and goodbyes, we decided we need to eat. We rode a jeepney to Philcoa, got a little confused with the new route, walked some steps, and finally ate chickenjoy while talking about some hanash in life haha. After feeling a little bit recharged, we visited our highschool Math teacher and talked with her family while waiting for our turn to enter her room. We had a really little time to talk with her, but in my heart, I cherish those few minutes. We prayed for her and for her family before leaving the hospital. We then hurriedly went to a theater to watch Pagsambang Bayan The Musical, felt some terror and got our thoughts evoked by the play. Before going home, we had a light dinner at Chowking with my family and shared some stories and laughter haha. We then tried to sum up our thoughts and emotions for the day during our bus ride on our way home. It was indeed a full day, we agreed. Thank God for the strength we had for that Monday! We went home with our hearts full. ❤

And then came the news about my highschool Math teacher. I was already asleep, in fact, I was already dreaming, when my bestfriend called and told me to go online. And so I did.  How generous of my teacher’s daughter to share with us her mother’s last moments through a video call. She was asking us to give our last words to our teacher, who was also our coach in the Math contests we competed way back in highschool. I was speechless. The news wasn’t sinking in. My bestfriend was crying. I felt nothing. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what to say. I was literally speechless. The video call ended. I managed to compose my words of thanks to my teacher and sent it to her daughter. I was asked to read it to her over the phone. I cried as I did.

My mind was wandering after the phone call. I was not sleepy anymore, and thought of doing some stuff for my work. Next thing I know, it was already Tuesday morning.

Many things have happened and it’s difficult to process them all. I was not that productive today, I spent most of my time sleeping. My sister said I have overslept the whole day. But hey, I slept for many hours today because I need to replace my lack of sleeping hours last Sunday. And so I needed to sleep haha. But maybe she was right. Maybe that’s one of the reason I feel exhausted.  Or maybe not. Maybe I just can’t process everything. I need space. To think. To feel. To breathe. Or maybe I just feel pressured because I still have no outputs for my work for two days now. Also, my laundry basket is haunting me, even my bags in my room are bugging me. I feel guilty because I have not been doing anything about my work and my chores this week. Hayyy.

I need rest. Not just some hours of sleep, but real rest.  As I typed this entry’s title, Matt 11:28 instantly came to mind. “Come to me all you who are tired and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And then the lyrics of a song we sang in our youth choir started to play, “Come unto me, I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, hear me and be blessed. I am meek and lowly, come and trust my might for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

O Jesus, I need rest. Restore my strength that I may do all that is required of me, and other things that I want to do for you. Renew my strength that I may live life to the fullest. Dami talagang ganaps, tulungan nyo po akong makabalik on track. Thank you Jesus. Aasahan ko po ang pahinga at panibagong lakas na ibibigay niyo. Amen.

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Friday of Thanks

Thank You Lord for this day! Thank You for helping me finish my long overdue assignments. Thank You for my kwentuhan with Ate Mai. Thank You for TFP’s email, my heart really jumped for joy! Thank You because I am now one step closer to coming back to teaching. Thank You for friends who rejoiced with me as I update them with this good news. Thank You for their expressed support and for their willingness to be a part of my application journey! Thank You for their moral support, Lord. Thank You for opening this door to me. Thank You!

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Sofa Thoughts

Humiga ako sa sofa kanina at pagpikit ko, maraming bumalik na alaala.

Naalala ko nung humiga ako sa faculty lounge namin sa school kasi masama ang pakiramdam ko. May nakakita sa aking ibang teacher at sinumbong ako sa coordinator ko. Nung nasa clinic na ako, pinagsabihan ako ng coordinator ko na wag na akong hihiga doon para walang masabi ang iba. Dumiretso na lang daw ako sa clinic pag di okay ang pakiramdam ko. Simula nun, napadalas na ang paghiga ko sa clinic hehe.

Naalala ko tuloy yung araw na pumasok ako kahit hinang-hina ako. Na-guilty ako kasi pangatlong araw na akong absent, at huli na kami sa lessons, e kailangan nang mag-quiz. Kaya pumasok ako. Pero akala ko lang pala kaya ko na. Halos kakaupo ko lang sa classroom, naramdaman ko agad ang hilo. Ayun, balik clinic. Di ko na ikukwento anong nangyari pababa galing sa Room 501. Basta, okay naman na ako hehe.

Naalala ko tuloy yung mga araw na nasa school ako at nagtuturo. Nakaka-miss. Noon, parang tuloy-tuloy lang ang mga araw, hindi ko nararamdamang nagtatrabaho ako. Basta para lang akong nabubuhay. Ibig kong sabihin, nung nagtuturo ako, dama kong masaya na ako sa ganung buhay. I felt like I’m living the life I want. At palagay ko naman, yun din ang buhay na gusto ng Diyos para sa akin nung mga panahong yun. Seryoso. Ewan ko lang ngayon. Hehe. Darating din tayo diyan.

Naalala ko tuloy yung sabi ni Ate Love sa akin dati, “May iba-iba tayong calling sa ibat-ibang panahon.” Something ganun. At in fairness, sang-ayon ako sa kanya. Saan kaya ako tatawagin sa susunod? 🙂

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If your gift is teaching, devote yourself to teaching

This is really my call. I know. I am sure.
I am called to teach the Word of God to the people.
In order to do this faithfully, I myself should study God’s Word deeply. And then live it out.

Teaching Math. Yeah, I also love this, but…
I want to teach not just Math. I want to be a teacher of many things.
I want to teach music and arts. I want to tell stories. I want to share the Word of God.

The question is How?
How can I be a teacher of many things, especially, a teacher of God’s Word?
Will that be more feasible if I become a public school teacher?

What if I take up Master of Arts in Biblical Studies?
Then I could learn more about the Bible and might be allowed to teach Bible subjects in Harris.
There I could also teach Math, music, and arts!

What about our dream library?
Would it really be a reality?
I hope so, and I believe I could be a teacher of many things in that library.

Let’s go back to the public school.
There I could teach Math and values and other life lessons.
I might inspire more students coz indeed there are more children in public schools than anywhere else.

What should I do now?
I don’t know the answer, Lord. I really don’t know.
Where are you leading me? What do you want me to do for You?

*Daily Prompt: Passionate

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Farewell Song

Times like this when I am missing my school days as a student and as a teacher, and would just want to spend my time reminiscing, this song – our school’s farewell song –  would always come to mind. Singing this to myself brings all those sweet memories back to life. 🙂

It hurts and pains my heart
To leave sweet memories back
To part and bid goodbye
To friends I truly love

But I have to face the world
Go out and try to survive
To act on the stage of life
And to perform my part

Let’s cherish all sweet memories
Let us forget what might have been
The fun, the jokes we have shared
Tears of joy we’ll remember

From my heart to you, my dear friend
May this parting be not the end
We’ll be together in dreams and in prayers
And let’s remember friends are forever

Till then, till we meet again
My dear friends

I miss being in school. I miss my classmates and teachers then. I miss my students and my co-teachers. I miss my school life. I miss FCPC. I miss my dear friends – the friends I truly love. ❤

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Field Demo experience

Thank You Lord sa Field Demo. 🙂

Salamat po sa grace niyo sa buong paghahanda namin, sa lakas at energy na binigay niyo sa walang katapusan naming practice, sa katapangan na binigay niyo nung first time kong contact-in ang parents hehe, sa mga taong inilapit niyo sa akin para makatulong sa paghahanap ko ng mananahi at tela para sa costume ng mga bata, at sa kasiyahang naidulot ng mismong pagsayaw nila ng Mazurka Boholana.

Grabe. Life-changing. Sabay ganun e no? Hehe. Pero honestly, Lord, ngayong field demo ko po pinakanaranasan ang pagiging adviser ko. Oo, nakakapagod mag-asikaso ng costumes, mag-oversee ng practice, mag-passify ng mga agitated na bata dahil sa kaka-practice, kumausap ng mga demotivated sumayaw, at magpangiti ng mga batang pagod at kinakabahan HAHA. Pero napagod man ako physically, ang gaan-gaan naman ng pakiramdam ko lalo pag nakikita kong unti-unti nang naayos yung sayaw namin, nagiging kalmado na yung mga kaninang iritable, at sumasayaw na rin yung mga nung una e ayaw talagang sumali. Nakakangiti na sila at nagiging confident. Nakakatuwa. Ang sarap maging titser. Ang sarap maging adviser. ❤

Maraming salamat po, Panginoon. Salamat po ng maraming-marami sa privilege na maging adviser ng Grade 6-Industry. 🙂 Salamat po sa lahaaaat ng natutunan at naranasan ko dahil sa Field Demo na ito. 🙂

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Salamat din po na naging 1st runner-up kami. Salamat po sa 6-Industry boys and girls na nagbigay ng oras at effort at lahat ng meron sila para maging maayos ang sayaw namin. Salamat po sa parents na pinayagan silang mag-practice nung Thursday kahit na walang pasok nun. Salamat po kay Irish na tumulong sa aming matapos ang sayaw. Salamat po sa Rondalla na sumama sa amin sa pagppractice. Salamat din po sa coteachers ko na tumulong sa pagmmake-up sa mga bata, lalo’t wala talaga akong alam dun. Hehe.

Salamat po sa experience na ito na naging dahilan para maging mas close kami ng mga estudyante ko. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na makitang masaya sila sa mga ginagawa nila at talagang napapahalagahan nila ang pagkakaibigan nila. Nakakatuwa rin na naging bahagi na talaga ng kahit anong ginagawa namin ang pananalangin. Yehey! Nakakataba talaga ng puso. Lalo na kapag naaalala ko yung mga ngiti nila nung tinawag na yung section namin. Alam kong binigay nila ang best nila, ako rin, nabigay ko ang best ko. At lahat po ng ito ay para sa inyo at dahil sa inyo, Panginoon. Sa Diyos ang lahat ng papuri!

Salamat po sa lahat-lahat. Maraming salamat po, Panginoong Jesus. Amen. Amen. 🙂

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It all goes back to God

1 Unless it is the LORD who builds the house, the builders’ work is pointless. Unless it is the LORD who protects the city, the guard on duty is pointless.

2 It is pointless that you get up early and stay up late, eating the bread of hard labor because God gives sleep to those he loves.

It all goes back to God. Everything is pointless if it is not for God. Oooooh.  If I teach Math to my pupils just for the sake of teaching and doing my job, it is pointless. But if I teach Math to my pupils so that they might experience the love of God, well then, it would be meaningful. If I toil all day and all night just so I could earn money and help my parents and buy the things I want, it would be pointless. God wants us to rest in Him. He does not want us to spend hours and hours on our job and neglect our family life, or our relationship with other people, or more so, our relationship with Him.

It all goes back to God. It all goes back to whether we are doing it for God or just for ourselves. It goes back to our motive, to our intentions. Are we doing what we are doing for the glory of God? Are we doing these with a pure heart? Are we doing these things so that other people might know God? Do the things we do point other people to Jesus? These are the questions we should ask right now. Do the things we do really matter? Are all these for the glory of God?

These past days, I am thankful that God has given me a fresh start. By God’s grace I was able to manage my classrooms way better than I do before, and I was able to plan and prepare for my lessons. Thank God! Yehey. 🙂 I am also learning to love my pupils more and more each day. I have told myself not to be angry at them nor shout at them or whatsoever that would not benefit me nor them. I choose to let them feel the love of God while I am inside the classroom. Yes.

 

Dear God, thank You for the reminder to live a life for Your glory. Thank You for letting me assess what I am doing. Yes, Lord, may everything I do point the world back to You. May the words I say and the things I do lead others to You, Jesus. As the song goes, I don’t wanna say a word unless it points the world back to You. I’m sorry Lord for sharing not-so-sensible stories to my coteachers which does not point the world back to You. Forgive me, Lord. I’m sorry po. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Be with me throughout the day. May I be able to accomplish everything that I must accomplish today. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.