Ash Wednesday

Today is the most meaningful Ash Wednesday I had so far. We went to church and I got a little emotional upon realizing that “Wow, I have this opportunity to say sorry for my sins and receive a word of forgiveness from the Lord thru the pastor.” Hayy malaking bagay pala makarinig ng kapatawaran lalo na kung feeling mo meron kang napakalaking kasalanan.

Tinitingnan ko lang yung cross kanina habang ineexplain ni Pastor yung halaga ng Lenten season at ng pagpapahid ng krus na abo sa noo. Naging emosyonal ako pero hindi naman tipong naiiyak. Thankful ako na may ganitong part ang Christian calendar–panahon para pagsisihan ang mga nagawa nating kasalanan, para aminin ang mga pagkukulang, panahon para magsink in na tayo ay mga mortal, at para alalahanin na nilikha tayo ng Diyos at dapat lang na mabuhay tayo para sa kanya.

Pagkapahid ni Pastor ng abo sa noo ko, tinuro niya yung luhuran, at lumuhod naman ako. Tinitigan ko ulit yung krus sa altar, ang laki, mapapamuni-muni ka talaga. Nag-pray ako, nag-sorry sa lahat ng kamalian at kalokohan ko sa buhay. “Sorry Lord, baguhin niyo po ako. Ayoko nang magpasaway. Iiwan ko na ang ganung buhay.” Tapos maya-maya konti, nagpapasalamat na ako. “Thank you Lord sa ganitong pagkakataon. Thank you po may chance akong mag-sorry big time sayo. Thank you po sa pagpapatawad mo. Tulungan mo akong magbagong buhay. Amen.”

Bumalik ako sa upuan ko. Tinutugtog ng diyakonesa yung “I Surrender All.” Yes, Lord, I surrender everything to you. Ikaw na po ulit ang bahala sa buhay ko. Inyo na po ang manibela, makikinig na ulit ako. Susunod na ulit ako. Hawakan niyo po ang buhay ko. Amen.

Paper Letter

Dear Jassy,

Tapusin mo na paper mo. Gawin mo na. Sasamahan kita. Tutulungan kita.

Take to heart yung message ng paper mo. I have a personal message for you.

Focus ka na. Tapusin na natin ito. Dami pa akong ipapagawa sayo. Wag mo akong pangunahan, mas alam ko ang future mo. Stay in the present, live in the moment. Akong bahala sayo, Jas. Lovelife, acads, pamilya, trabaho, pera, tukso, personal concerns, pangarap. Akong bahala sayo, Jas.

After Paper

Pag natapos ko itong paper ko, pwede na akong mag-kdrama. Episodes 12-16, humanda ka na.

Pag napasa ko na ito, next kong haharapin ang labada ko. Grabe, isang buwan na yata mga yun!

Pag na-chat ko na si Sir at nakapag-sorry na ako sa long overdue na paper na ito, feeling malaya na ako. Wala nang babagabag sa akin from time to time na acad related (for the mean time haha).

Pag naligpit ko na lahat ng paper anek-anek ko, tuloy-tuloy na ito sa pag-uwi kong Bulacan. Malamang ganun na nga.

Pag tapos na tapos na talaga, ija-Jollibee na kita. 😉

When will everyone come to know God?

I don’t know. Nobody knows.

This question reminds me of my “college-self.” Back then, I used most of my time to introduce God to people that I encounter. I remember times when I could not help but talk about God to the person next to me in the bus. There were also times when I stood up in the aisle of the bus and shared God’s word to the passengers. I have also tried offering free bottles of water to those who would want a drink. Aaah, those moments…they are here in my heart. I cherish those memories so much.

Question 23 of #100jassyquestions #100dayproject

I committed to writing 100 words only as a response to the 100 questions I have written three years ago, but reminiscing my “Bus stories” above made me want to write more. Haha. But now, I lost the words that I was planning to write. Maybe I would just write a book about it someday.

Celebrate slowness

I came across this line as I browsed my Instagram feed this morning: Celebrate slowness once again.

Awww, exactly what I needed to hear at the moment. Yesterday, was a full day. I had a meeting at work for 8 hours, and a 3-hr night class, add to that hours spent for video lectures and quizzes + preparation for work meeting. I intended to work on my final paper for another subject after my night class, but my brain seemed to be telling me that she was tired and exhausted and could not process anymore. With bravery, I hid my To do list from my note-taking app, and declared that I would take a rest for the night. I need to calm my thoughts, I told myself. And so, I put aside my laptop, laid down, and allowed my thoughts to wander. I browsed my Facebook, looked at my pictures in Instagram, backread conversations in Messenger, and just did nothing. Haha! Well, that “nothing” was really a “something.” It helped me zoom out of my academic requirements and work responsibilities.

I had other ideas on how I would take a rest last night–do yoga, sing and play the ukulele, spend some time for art, or call my crush! But I did not have the energy to do those things, I really just felt like lying down and taking the day off. I also wanted to talk to God last night but I did not know how. I don’t even know what to say. And so, as mentioned earlier, I ended up resting with Facebook, Instagram, and Messenger.

I woke up early today, around 4am, and the sun has not yet risen. I found myself doing my favorite prayer practice: The Examen prayer. I looked back on my productive yet tiring day, and affirmed my decision of resting through the night. Then I planned my day using my [[Good morning Jassy]] template, with my [[Top 3 Daily]]. Aah, I missed using Roam research for my daily routine. (By the way, Roam research is a note-taking tool which helped me big time in navigating my thoughts and feelings since I started using it in April, check it out, guys!) I wrote all my thoughts in Roam as I did my Examen prayer and my Good morning Jassy routine. It was fulfilling and refreshing!

Next thing I knew, I was holding my phone and browsing my Instagram feed. Surprisingly, the posts seemed to speak to me! A flower delivery ad gave me an idea of ordering a bouquet for my birthday haha. Then came posts about staying in the moment, coming wholeheartedly to God, being connected with nature, sharing my gifts to others, and many more! I wrote down lines that jumped out at me, and would publish them in another post hehe. Oh, I love how God spoke to me through Instagram, I did not expect it!

After pondering on the words that struck me, I watched a video of myself singing “Lead me Onward” by Mid-Cities Worship. Awww, as I have said in the video, that song is one of my “pahinga songs.” My favorite line in the song is “I find my rest when I lean on You, Jesus.” I really felt comforted and rested as I sang to the lyrics of that song, and so I tried singing that song again with my ukulele. Then I stood by the window and stared at the trees while listening to the chirping of the birds. Hayy I missed my quiet times during my college days in our dorm. I recalled waking up early and going to our dorm’s garden to spend time with God to hear his word–literally, as I listen to Hardin ng Panalangin in the radio, and figuratively, as I read the Bible and try to understand God’s message for me that day.

All these memories and activities led me to open my phone’s Bible app and read the lectionary reading for today. I got interested with Psalm 111:2 which says, “How wonderful are the things the Lord does! All who are delighted with them want to understand them.” Because of the word “delight,” I thought of this blog–jassy delights. I asked myself once again, “Why the name jassy delights?”

Well, it came from the verse which says, Delight yourself in the Lord. That is what I wanted to do in life when I started my blog: to delight in the Lord. Also, I wanted to share in this blog things and memories that delight me, that gives me joy, that makes my heart smile and sing and be happy. I stayed silent for a while and reflected more on the verse. As I read it from different versions, I realized that Psalm 111:2 speaks much about what I want for this blog! It is about the wonderful things that the Lord is doing in my life and my desire to understand and make sense of them. Hihihi. And yeah, that made me want to open wordpress and write this post. I usually write up to 100 words only, but heyyy, 800+ words is worth writing if it is about life-giving moments like these! I’m glad I followed my heart and decided to write again after a long time HAHA!

I reminisced, learned, and realized a lot today, and mind you, it is just past 8am in the morning! More things could happen and I hope that the rest of today’s moments would also be worth reminiscing someday. Here’s a thank you post to the Lord for waking me up and letting me feel his love and embrace, reminding me to once again celebrate slowness with Him.

What will be my thesis?

I do not yet have a concrete idea, but here are some themes I might like to explore: prayer, emotions, living a holy life, God’s will, poetry, metaphors–somewhere along these ideas.

Woaaaah malapit na akong mag-thesis, parang hindi totoo! Three years na ba talaga ang lumipas? Fourth year na nga ba ako sa August? Haha. In fairness, dami kong natutunan sa pagbabasa ng Bible at pag-intindi sa mga nakasulat dun. Na-explore ko ang world behind the text, world of the text, at world in front of the text.

Galingan natin sa thesis, Jassy. Piliing maigi ang topic. Love you! 🙂

Question 22 of #100jassyquestions #100dayproject

Do I need to read more about family dynamics?

I think so. I have read about forgiving our parents and forgiving ourselves, but I guess I also need to read about forgiving our siblings hehehe. Admittedly, I notice I am being less considerate with my sister. I know my reasons, but I think processing it a little more would help me deal with her in a nicer and warmer aura.

Another family dynamic that I would want to study is about identifying each member’s sense of responsibility, understanding sides, and empowering each other to engage and contribute instead of just enabling each other’s negative behaviors. Any book recommendations, friends?

Day 21 of #100jassyquestions #100dayproject

Why am I easily irritated?

Hmm… am I? Haha. Let’s find out. I get irritated when I can’t find my slippers, or when there are no clean glasses when I’m thirsty. I get irritated when others ask me to do something and I see them just enjoying their time. Earlier, I got irritated when my mother thanked me for sweeping the floor, thinking that she was mocking me, but of course she wasn’t.

Okay fine, mabilis kumunot ang noo ko. When things are inconvenient or when I feel attacked, my passive-aggressive self is reacting immediately. Got no time to think. Oh, need to unlearn this!

Will I finish this list?

Let’s see.

The first time I tried a #100daychallenge was in 2014 when I did #100happydays. I learned many things about myself during that project, especially when I was compiling all the pictures and tabulating details to make a graph haha! I did the challenge two more times for a personal research.

In 2020, I launched my #100jassysongs and it took me 5 months to sing my 100th song! Singing helped me move forward in life, and that was my driving force for finishing the project.

Now, will I finish #100jassyquestions? I’m pretty sure I will. The question is, when?

Question 19 of #100jassyquestions #100dayproject

What if I don’t get to marry?

If I don’t get to marry, I would probably live with my family here in Bulacan, and go to the province from time to time. I will live my dream of becoming a voice coach hahaha and will teach and inspire people who are not born singers but would like to share their stories through songs! If I will be single all my life, I will share the love that I have to my family and friends, to kids that I teach and maybe to strangers. For sure I will be longing for hugs and kisses, but hope I’ll survive!

Question 18 of #100jassyquestions #100dayproject